Parenting Tips, Kids Learn by Making Choices
Parenting Advice to Help Children Gain Independence & Responsibility
May 20, 2009
Kids are able to make choices based on their own wants, likes, and dislikes at a very early age. Parents have the joy of watching as their kids grow from helpless babies into unique individuals all in a few short years. Allowing a child to make choices during this time can be part of a parent’s greatest contributions to that child’s developing confidence and self discipline. Here's some practical parenting advice to put choices into an everyday routine.
Parenting Help to Give Kids Practice Making Choices
It’s easy to get into a routine when babies are young. Parents choose what kids will eat, what they will wear, what they will play with, and where they will go.
It can take a conscious effort to return some of that control in the form of everyday choices. “Which cereal do you feel like this morning? Do you want to wear your red jacket or your blue coat? Which doll do you want to snuggle with at bedtime?”
Offering kids choices will definitely slow down the schedule, but the time won’t be wasted. Decision making is a skill that takes time and experience to perfect. The more choices parents allow children to practice making now, in a safe environment, the more capable they’ll be to make wise decisions in the future.
In the beginning, parents will offer very specific and concrete choices to their toddlers. Kids won’t have the option of a sugar-based diet, but a choice of whether their family should have peas or carrots for dinner gives them some ownership of the meal. Asking children which story they want to hear before bedtime, sets the standard that lights-out is a forgone conclusion while still allowing kids to have some input. If kids feel a sense of control, they’re far less likely to revolt with temper tantrums or defiance.
Parenting Help in Letting Kids Make Mistakes
Part of making choices is learning to take responsibility for the good decisions as well as the bad. If kids are shielded from the effects of their poor choices, they’ll have a hard time understanding that their decisions have consequences.
Parents are responsible to help their children gain a sense of independence while at the same time keeping them safe and secure. If kids choose not to eat their dinner, it’s likely the consequence they’ll experience is hunger later that evening. Parents can allow kids to see the result of their poor decision, but also reheat the plate which they stashed in the fridge for just such an occasion.
Parents will also want to remember to warn children when poor choices they’re making have obvious consequences. If kids put off their homework all night for example, parents can point out ahead of time, “You know, tonight’s your favorite TV show. If you don’t get that Math page done in time, you’ll miss it.” Gentle reminders will help kids start to see patterns in their choices and consequences. Soon, they’ll be weighing the pros and cons of each decision on their own. They’ll learn how to avoid impulsive choices in favor of ones which are carefully weighed out.
Use Examples from Stories or Movies
Kids learn by making their own choices, but they also gain valuable experience watching others face decisions and consequences. Stories and movies present hundreds of teachable moments as the main character is confronted with a choice at the pivotal moment in the plot.
If parents read Snow White to their children for example, they’ll soon find the heroine debating whether or not to allow the suspicious old woman into the dwarves’ cottage. At this point, parents can try asking what kids thinks Snow White should do. What was her promise to the dwarves? Why did they ask her to make such a promise? Would it be better to keep her promise or to make the old woman sad? What will happen if she lets the witch in? The context of a story or movie offers a safe place kids can explore life’s toughest choices as well as their ramifications.
Parents should take stock of their regular routines at home with their kids. Where could they provide more safe choices to give children practice in decision making? Including specific and age-appropriate choices as a part of daily activities will quickly give kids a sense of empowerment that has lasting effects in the years to come.
Kids aren’t the only ones learning. Other related articles moms and dads might want to check out include parenting advice on helping kids make friends, parenting help on using praise appropriately, and parenting tips on teaching kids to clean.
