Most twins have different personalities and these will emerge as your children leaves babyhood. Find out how to handle these differences and ensure each child’s own character is respected.
Handling the Dominant Twin Situation
In most relationships between multiples, there will be one twin who always takes the lead. Perhaps this child always answers for his sibling, or snatches toys. It’s tempting to leap to the defense of the less dominant twin, but it’s worth thinking this through.
Obviously, you would need to step in if one twin was being overwhelmed or bullied, particularly if this was becoming a regular occurrence. But if it’s just a case of one twin being more confident, you might not need to do anything. Often, the less dominant twin gains reassurance from the confidence of his sibling.
Provided that you always give both children the chance to answer your questions and allow each child to be an individual, this is a relationship dynamic which can largely be left alone.
Try to have one-to-one time with each child separately. This can have benefits for both twins; the more dominant child may feel less need to overwhelm the other during play if he sometimes has your undivided attention, and the less dominant twin has the chance to speak and play freely with you.
Labeling Twins
However obvious the personality difference in twins might seem to be, try to avoid labeling each child, either by yourself and others. A label can stick, and one child being labelled the ‘shy one’ and the other ‘the loud one’ could put each child into a category which is hard to change later on.
As twins begin to walk and talk, a difference in ability can become more noticeable. However, each child is an individual and will develop at his own rate. If you find that people outside the family praise one child for his advanced talking, or how fast he can run, redress the balance yourself. Point out to the other child what a good listener he is, or how well he has put together a jigsaw. There’s always something to notice and praise.
Photos of twins together can be very cute, but also take photographs of each child alone, or with non-twin siblings. This is also helpful during everyday play; praise your twins when they play together and share, but encourage each to play separately, or with other children from time to time. The key is to enjoy the special bond that twins have, whilst encouraging separate identities.
Differences in Personality
Celebrate the differences between your twins. Their personalities will change and develop so much over the years to come and the dynamics in their relationship may change too. But if each twin has the confidence to be his own person, he will be able to enjoy the closeness that comes from having a twin, as well as having the security of knowing he is valued as an individual.
Resources
Pearlman, Eileen & Ganon, Alison Raising Twins: What Parents Want To Know (And What Twins Want To Tell Them) [Collins,2000]
Heim, Susan It’s Twins [Hampton Roads Publishing Company, 2007]
