Anxiety and Fear of the Dark in Young Children
Is a Child's Fear About the Bogeyman Normal or an Anxiety Disorder?
Oct 23, 2009
Being afraid of the dark is one of the most common childhood fears. In most cases this fear fades quickly as the child gets older. For some children, however, this is the beginning of an anxiety disorder that should be treated. If a parent thinks her child may have problems with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health condition, a doctor's visit would be the best course of action, and there are also many online resources a parent can consult to help her learn when to call the doctor.
For the majority of children, talking about their fears with a trusted adult like a parent or grandparent can help them see that there really isn't any reason to be fearful. Simple tips and techniques, many of which are discussed online, can help these children learn to cope with whatever they're afraid of, and ultimately learn to conquer those fears. Most commonly, children are scared by (1) monsters, etc., or (2) the idea of death – either their own or the death of someone close to them.
Fear, Anxious Children, and the Monster Under the Bed
For a parent who's struggling to understand why her child is suddenly fearful, there are questions that can be asked:
- Has he seen any scary movies lately?
- Have his friends been "telling tales around the campfire" that might have scared him?
- Has a recent life event potentially affected him?
- Has he seen something on the news or a television program?
- Has he lost someone close to him recently?
Many children handle these kinds of things appropriately and others are more affected by them, because every child is different in how he reacts to what he sees and hears, as well as what takes place in his life. Fortunately, there are simple things that a parent can do to help chase away the monsters and allow her child to get a good night's sleep. These can include:
- Checking the room for monsters. Don't forget to look under the bed and in the closet. Monsters like to hide there.
- Banishing the monsters from the room with a special phrase or saying. This can be very powerful to a young child.
- Teaching a child his own "monster prayer" that he can use. If he's not comfortable with the word "prayer," he should feel free to call it something else.
- Giving him time, because he's not going to forget his fears overnight. He may struggle with them for a while, or seem to do better and then relapse later. Patience is important.
Anxious Children and the Fear of Death
Being afraid of death specifically is common in young children, especially if they have recently lost someone close to them, and when it gets dark and the child has to sleep, that fear can increase. Children may think that they won't wake up in the morning.
They can also fear death after the loss of a pet, as opposed to a person. Most young children don't think that much about their own mortality, but they can become too focused on it once they are old enough to understand that it's real, and that everyone will die at some point – including them.
A parent who's trying to help her child with his fear of death can:
- Reassure the child that death generally comes with old age, which he isn't even close to yet.
- Explain to the child that death in younger people often comes from health problems (this is especially helpful if the doctor has recently pronounced him healthy).
- Use the fear as a learning tool to discuss the benefits of being careful not to go with strangers, eat things that aren't safe, or engage in dangerous kinds of play.
- Discuss the afterlife, depending on the family's specific beliefs.
Each parent and child situation will be different, but there are many things that a parent can do to make a child feel more at ease when a fear of the dark is bothering him. Talking to the child and being realistic and honest at an age-appropriate level can go a long way toward restful, quiet nights. There are many online options, including licensed therapists, to help the parent of a child who's struggling with anxiety.
Disclaimer: This article is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. If a parent feels her child has an anxiety disorder or other physical or mental condition, she should consult a physician.
Resources to Help Anxious Children
Natural and Holistic Ways to Help Children Conquer Fears
7 Ways to Help Anxious Children Handle Fear
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